


the way i loved you

by jendeukie



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Wedding Planner, Bisexual Jisoo, Chaesoo Endgame, F/F, F/M, Florist Chaeyoung, Minor Character Death, Panic Attack, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn, Wedding Planner Jisoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 08:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jendeukie/pseuds/jendeukie
Summary: When Jennie and Lisa told her they were getting married, Jisoo expected to be chosen as their wedding planner.What she didn't expect was that the florist Jennie and Lisa couldn't do without was her first love, the very cause of her first heartbreak.





	the way i loved you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [audrising](https://archiveofourown.org/users/audrising/gifts).



> Hello, merry Christmas and welcome to this fic!
> 
> I’ve always wanted to post something on Christmas so I speed-wrote this and I truly hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> English isn’t my first language so please correct my mistakes in the comments.
> 
> Big thanks to Bloodygardenia on twitter for beta-reading this and giving me advice, ily. 
> 
> and of course thank you to audrising for giving me this prompt, I hope you’ll enjoy my take on it, ily.
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jendeukiesss)!

Kim Jisoo is a busy woman, that no one can deny.

Apart from her exhausting job— planning weddings in detail is _hard_ — she's got three hundred things to do every day: from her coffee with her college friends every morning at 8:30am to her gym sessions every evening before dinner. She definitely doesn't have the time to dwell on the past.

Jisoo organises every day the evening before in her journal and she creates a to-do list every morning. Joonki, her brand new boyfriend, often jokingly tells her she's a control maniac, but Jisoo partially agrees.

Everything needs to be perfect and go as planned, otherwise Jisoo panics.

And that is exactly what's happening in that moment, on that mild August morning.

It all started a week before, when Jisoo was having her morning coffee with her college friends, Jennie and Lisa.

"We've got news," Jennie had smiled so wide her gums were showing.

"Really?" Jisoo snorted, "did you two get another cat?"

"There's no thing as enough cats," Lisa shook her head, ready to rant about the importance of the presence of a cat in one's life, something Jisoo had heard countless of times back in college and definitely didn't want to listen to again.

Thankfully Jennie had stopped her, "Babe, not now," which made Lisa pout.

"So, what's the big news?" Jisoo turned her gaze down to the coffee.

"We.." Jennie started, a huge smile on her lips, throwing a glance at Lisa.

To be honest, Jisoo kind of expected what they were going to tell her: gay marriage had just been legalised in South Korea and Jennie had had a ring for the longest time.

"You're getting married."

"We're getting married!"

"How did you know?" Lisa asked with wide eyes.

"Honey," Jisoo scoffed, "give me some credit, I chose that ring myself."

"What?" Lisa asked, "really?"

Jisoo nodded, "Yes, almost one year ago."

"You've had it for that long?" Lisa wondered, turning to look at her fiancé.

Jennie nodded, "I've always known I'd marry you."

"Babe.." Lisa was almost in tears and Jisoo needed to put a stop to it before it got too embarrassing, something her friends often were.

"It's really moving, yeah, yeah, whatever," Jisoo rolled her eyes, "I'm guessing you two are planning to get married as soon as possible and you need a wedding planner."

"Yeah," Jennie nodded, "I'd marry her tomorrow if I could."

"Also," Lisa added, "you'll give us a discount, right?"

"Who do you think I am?" Jisoo pretended to be offended, then she smirked, "of course not."

"You're terrible," Jennie accused her.

"Of course I'm gonna give you a discount," Jisoo rolled her eyes.

"I feel like I don't tell you how much I love you enough," Jennie told her.

Jisoo scoffed, "Whatever, so.. are we thinking a winter wedding? A paradise in the snow?"

"That'd be a dream come true!" Lisa exclaimed.

"Perfect," Jisoo nodded, "I'm almost done with a project, but it'll be over soon and then I'll let you know when we can meet to start planning."

"We already have a florist," Lisa informed her, "it's a dear friend of ours, I hope it won't be a problem."

"I don't see how it could be an issue," Jisoo shrugged.

"You're the best!" Jennie exclaimed.

"I know that, honey," Jisoo smirked, leaving a few coins on the table, "I gotta run to my appointment, I'll text you."

"See you," Jennie and Lisa called after her.

Jisoo didn't think much about it for the following days, too busy with the wedding she had to attend soon. She texted Jennie and Lisa to let them know she'd be free towards the end of the month, but that was it. She kept seeing them but they didn't talk that much about the wedding.

Jisoo kept herself busy because she didn't like to be alone with her thoughts, plus the bride was freaking out about the dress and Jisoo had to be there to calm her down. She didn't know when she had become a therapist apart from a wedding planner, but oh well. She did what she had to do.

She brought Joonki to the wedding, of course, and together they watched the ceremony go exactly as Jisoo had planned it.

Jisoo rolled her eyes while listening to the vows— bullshit, if you asked her. She couldn’t comprehend how people could promise forever to each other when they weren’t even sure that it could last. It didn’t depend on them anyway.

Joonki seemed to find it romantic, though, for he put his arms around Jisoo’s waist and told her that one day that’d be them. Jisoo hoped he didn’t hear her scoff.

The wedding lasted until the early hours of the morning and Jisoo arrived home too tired to plan the next day. She just knew that she had to meet Jennie and Lisa to start organising their wedding.

The following morning Jisoo woke up at 8am, got dressed, took her work stuff and headed to the cafe where she was supposed to meet her friends.. and then she saw them and noticed that they weren’t alone. And that’s when it all started going down.

Jisoo thinks she’s hallucinating because _that_ person can’t possibly be sitting at the table with her best friends right now. There must be a mistake or something wrong with Jisoo because it can’t be.

So, Jisoo panics.

Lisa waves her hand but Jisoo is already running into the bathroom. She hides inside a stall and prays that no one will follow her, but of course she isn’t that lucky.

“Jisoo?” she hears Jennie ask, “Lisa said she saw you came in here.”

“No,” Jisoo blurts out, “there’s no one called Jisoo here, go away, wrong number.”

“You okay?” Jennie chuckles.

“No,” Jisoo confesses.

“Come out,” Jennie tells her.

“U-G-H,” Jisoo spells out before exiting the bathroom stall.

“So.. what’s up?” Jennie asks.

“Why is that person with you at the table?” Jisoo asks.

“Oh, that’s Chae!” Jennie exclaims, “our florist.”

This can’t be happening right now, Jisoo thinks. She knew about Chaeyoung’s occupation and with her job she knew where to stay away from, but this time it looks like karma got her. Fuck.

“Is that why you ran away?” Jennie asks, “because you saw Chaeyoung? Do you know her?”

“No,” Jisoo lied, even shaking her head, “never seen her before.”

“Then why did you run in here?” Jennie furrows her brows.

“I really needed to pee, like, so bad,” Jisoo told her, “plus, you know I don’t do well with new people, I think I should just go home now..”

“No way,” Jennie grabs her arm and starts leading her outside, “you’re the most extroverted person I know and we’ve got a wedding to plan, Miss, you can’t run away now.”

“Please?” Jisoo tries one last time, begging only because she has to.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Jennie wonders.

“I’m tired,” Jisoo tells her, “the wedding lasted until really late and please just let me go home for today?”

“Then why did you come if you were that tired?” Jennie furrows her brows even more.

“I..” they’ve reached the table by now, “I…”

Brace yourself for impact in 3..2..1..0!

Chaeyoung turns around.

Jisoo tries not to laugh at the mixture of emotions on Chaeyoung’s face: from a pleasant smile, to recognition to surprise to fear. She fails to hide a snort.

“Is something wrong?” Lisa asks after they’ve stared at each other for a good ten seconds.

“Ye-” Chaeyoung tries to say.

“No,” Jisoo shakes her head, “she just looks like someone I used to know,” she grabs Chaeyoung’s hand and shakes it, “nice to meet you, I’m Jisoo, their wedding planner.”

“But-” Chaeyoung tries again, but Jisoo sends her a glare, “I mean, nice to meet you too, I’m Chaeyoung, their florist.”

“Lovely,” Jisoo comments, then sits down, “so, have you guys come with some ideas this past week?”

“Oh, but of course,” Lisa nods, “we were thinking an indoor wedding because, you know, it’ll be too cold to do it outside, but somewhere where you can see the beach..”

“So, are we thinking near Seoul or Busan or even Jeju?” Jisoo opens her planner and takes a pen out of her bag.

“Jeju would be lovely,” Jennie nods.

“Perfect,” Jisoo writes it down, “theme?”

“A fairytale wedding,” Lisa’s eyes are sparkling.

“Traditional Korean wedding with hanboks and all of that or Western style with the white dresses?” Jisoo wonders.

“Western,” Jennie quickly replies.

“Okay,” Jisoo nods, “I’ll start looking at venues in Jeju that look on the beach, anything else?”

“We want a video of the ceremony and the reception,” Lisa tells her, “and then a lot of pictures so we need at least three photographers.”

“That can be arranged,” Jisoo writes it down, “what kind of food?”

“We’re not sure yet,” Lisa confesses.

“That’s okay,” Jisoo shrugs, “we still have a lot of time to go, I’ll start looking for catering services in Jeju.”

“You’re the best!” Jennie exclaims. 

“So I’ve been told,” Jisoo smirks.

Jisoo is pretty sure Chaeyoung just scoffed. To be honest, Jisoo was doing a pretty good job of ignoring her existence so this ruined everything and Jisoo can’t not send her another deadly glare, which makes Chaeyoung look away immediately.

“Party favours?” Jisoo asks.

“We were thinking of little gifts,” Jennie shrugs, “maybe we could bake something.”

Jisoo shrugs, “It’s not that important right now, what matters is your budget.”

“Honey, we’ve been saving money for years for this moment,” Jennie chuckles, “we’re thinking of ₩17.000.000.”

“That’s doable,” Jisoo nods, “especially if both I and your florist give you a discount.”

“What do we need to start doing?” Lisa wonders.

“Think of a more specific theme,” Jisoo tells them, “let me know exactly what you’re imagining, then I’ll see what I can find that matches it the best.”

“Perfect,” Jennie nods, “we were thinking of going to look at some dresses now, do you two wanna come?”

“I’m busy, sorry,” Jisoo moves to stand up. She isn’t really, but she’d do anything not to get stuck with Chaeyoung.

“Me too,” Chaeyoung agrees.

“Thinking about it again,” Jisoo finishes her coffee, “maybe I’m not that busy.”

“Yeah, same,” Chaeyoung keeps agreeing.

Jisoo takes a deep breath and tries to calm down, why can’t Chaeyoung take a hint? She’s making it obvious that she doesn’t want to spend time with her, but the other doesn’t seem to get it.

“So, we’re all going?” Lisa asks, unaware of the tension.

“Yeah, let’s all go,” Chaeyoung stands up and throws a look at Jisoo, one that can only mean challenge and oh, Jisoo is about to explode.

She takes another deep breath and follows her friends outside.

“There’s a nice boutique in Gangnam we were planning to visit,” Jennie informs them, “shall we go with my car?”

Everyone follows Jennie to her SUV and Jisoo finds herself sitting in the back seats with Chaeyoung even though she’s done anything to avoid it, like telling everyone that she gets carsick if she’s not sitting in the passenger seat.

There’s an awkward silence in the car, full of tension even though Lisa and Jennie seem so taken in their love bubble that they don’t notice it. So Jisoo takes her phone out of her bag and calls Joonki.

“Hey babe,” Joonki replies.

“Hey, stranger,” Jisoo smiles.

“How’s the planning going?” Joonki asks.

“We’re going out to look at some dresses now,” Jisoo informs him, “take me out to dinner tonight?”

“What’s the occasion?” Joonki wonders.

“Just.. you know,” Jisoo shrugs, “to celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?” Joonki asks, “did I forget about an important date?”

“Nothing like that,” Jisoo chuckles, “you’d never do that. Just.. let’s celebrate our relationship.”

“Sure,” Joonki laughs, “my boss is calling me so I gotta go, but I’ll talk to you later?”

“Sure,” Jisoo smiles, “love you.”

“Love you too,” Joonki retorts, “bye.”

“Bye,” Jisoo hangs up.

“Joonki?” Jennie wonders.

Jisoo nods, “Yep.”

“It’s her boyfriend,” Lisa explains to Chaeyoung, “he’s the nicest guy ever, gosh, you’d love him.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Chaeyoung replies with a poker face but even Jisoo finds the situation laughable.

“Gosh, if I wasn’t a lesbian I’d steal him from her,” a Jennie chuckles.

“Same,” Lisa agrees.

“That’s enough,” Jisoo puts a stop to the conversation before it can get even more awkward, since Chaeyoung has been staring at her with an eyebrow raised the whole time.

“So.. you’re a wedding planner?” Chaeyoung asks and it takes Jisoo more than ten seconds to realise she’s talking to her.

“Yep,” Jisoo replies without even looking at her, her heartbeat becoming more rapid just because of the fact that she’s being addressed.

“Cool,” Chaeyoung comments. 

“I guess,” Jisoo shrugs.

“Anyway,” Lisa intervenes, “Chae, did you know that Jisoo grew up in Jongno-gu as well?”

Jisoo can’t help but snort.

“What?” Lisa asks, turning around, looking confused.

“Nothing, just..” Jisoo shrugs, “what a coincidence.”

“No, I didn’t know that,” Chaeyohng smiles to Lisa, “and yes, what a coincidence.”

“Maybe you two even went to the same school!” Lisa exclaims.

“Yeah!” Jennie agrees enthusiastically, “which high school did you two go to?”

“I went to Dongsung,” Jisoo replies.

“What a coincidence!” Chaeyoung exclaims, fake enthusiasm evident in her voice, “me too!”

“It’s a private school, right?” Jennie asks, getting two hums in return, “then there shouldn’t have been that many students, maybe you two have really already met!”

“It’s possible, yeah,” Jisoo nods, “I just don’t remember much from high school, it’s been so long ago.”

Jisoo can feel Chaeyoung’s piercing gaze on her while she answers, “I remember everything clearly.”

“Really?” Lisa excitedly asks, “and do you remember Jisoo?”

“Of course I do,” Chaeyoung chuckles, “the most popular girl in school, everyone loved her, everyone wanted to be her, but she was so focused on her studies that she didn’t even notice, always with a book in hand.”

“So Jisoo was calm back in high school?” Jennie wonders, “that's weird to imagine.”

“People change,” Jisoo shrugs, wanting to put an end to the conversation, “haven’t we arrived?”

“Oh, yes,” Jennie replies, “we’re just looking for parking.”

“Tell me more about Jisoo in high school!” Lisa claps her hands excitedly.

“Well, it’s hard because we didn’t really know each other,” Chaeyoung shrugs, “but I remember clearly her rejecting a shit ton of guys and always hanging out with the same two girls.”

“And you were the rebel, back in high school?” Jennie asks.

“Exactly,” Chaeyoung snickers, “smoking behind the bleachers and all of that.”

“I can totally see it,” Lisa laughs.

“Gosh, I think you would have corrupted her if you two had met back then!” Jennie exclaims and Jisoo positively feels her heart stop for a second.

“Yeah,” Jisoo chuckles, discomfort evident on her face, “oh, there’s a parking lot there!”

“And then..” Chaeyoung is about to continue.

“Oh! Dresses!” Jisoo interrupts her, “what type of dresses are we thinking?”

“White, definitely,” Lisa replies and goes on a rant about what kind of dress she wants.

Jisoo isn’t really listening to her, she’s just relieved she managed to stop the conversation before Chaeyoung could reveal too much.

It’s not that Jisoo doesn’t want Jennie and Lisa to know what happened, she just doesn’t want to create any trouble before the wedding. It’s supposed to be Jennie and Lisa’s special moment and she can’t ruin it.

Jennie finally finds parking and together they get out of the car, walking a few meters to reach the boutique. Jisoo can see from outside that it’s specialised in western wedding clothing and that would make her excited but not right now, not when Chaeyoung’s presence is so evident it’s about to swallow her whole.

“I’ll smoke a cigarette and then come in with you guys,” Chaeyoung announces.

Jisoo doesn’t want to spend more time with Chaeyoung but she really needs a smoke as well, so, reluctantly, she tells the other that she’s staying outside as well.

“So..” Chaeyoung starts once Jennie and Lisa have disappeared inside the shop.

“Don’t,” Jisoo stops her, “you don’t have the right to talk to me.”

“Oh,” Chaeyoung bursts out laughing, “people now need the right to talk to you? Sorry, your Majesty.”

“Just shut up, please,” Jisoo huffs.

“You know, when Lisa told me they were getting married, I knew they were gonna hire you,” Chaeyoung confesses, “but I also thought you’d be over what happened years ago.”

“I am over it!” Jisoo exclaims outraged, “do you think you were that important to me? Forgive me if I laugh.”

“Please, let’s not kid ourselves now,” Chaeyoung scoffs, “you switched schools because of me.”

“It wasn’t my choice and you know that,” Jisoo retorts through gritted teeth.

“Whatever,” Chaeyoung shrugs, “how’s your dad?”

“Fuck off,” Jisoo huff, “just stop, stop talking to me.”

“Whatever her Majesty wants,” Chaeyoung snickers.

Jisoo is this close to punch her, it instead she throws her half consumed cigarette on the ground and enters the boutique.

Jennie and Lisa are freaking out about every dress they see, and Jisoo watches over them with a fond smile. That sight reminds her of what’s really important: her friends’ happiness. Jisoo would do anything to keep them as happy as they are right now, even if that means having to spend time with Chaeyoung.

Jisoo sits down on a small sofa near the dressing room and waits while her friends try on every dress they see. Chaeyoung reaches them after a while— knowing her she’s just probably chainsmoked a few cigarettes— and sits down on another sofa. No words are exchanged, and Jisoo wishes it will be like this all the time in the future.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Jisoo apologises while reaching the table Joonki is sitting at, “you know how Jennie and Lisa get around dresses, they didn’t let us leave until they had tried on every single dress.”

“That sounds exhausting,” Joonki chuckles, standing up and opening his arms.

“You have no idea,” Jisoo pouts, letting herself be engulfed by his embrace.

“My baby,” Joonki laughs, holding her tight, “you could’ve cancelled tonight if you were that tired, we could’ve just gone to your place and watched a movie.”

“That sounds tempting,” Jisoo murmurs, too relaxed to speak any higher, “but no, we’re here to celebrate and nothing will stop us.”

“Why do you want to celebrate our relationship anyway?” Joonki asks, leaving a peck on her forehead and then letting her go.

Jisoo sits down, “I feel like I don’t show you enough, how much I care about you.”

“I think it’s more than enough,” Joonki retorts.

“I’ve just been so busy, I’m sorry for neglecting you,” Jisoo confesses, “but I promise that we’ll go on a holiday after Jennie and Lisa’s wedding.”

“Sure,” Joonki chuckles, “but are you sure that you’ll be able to have days off?”

“Why?” Jisoo asks.

“You’re the most workaholic person I know,” Joonki continues, “I think you’d freak out if you were off work for too long.”

“You know me too well,” Jisoo smiles warmly, “maybe we could take a short holiday? Like, three days.”

“I think I’d be really lucky to spend even just one day with you,” Joonki smiles.

“So you do feel neglected?” Jisoo worries.

“No, don’t worry about me,” Joonki reassures her, “I don’t feel neglected at all, I know how important your job is to you, I’ve told you on our first date, I’d never take you away from it.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Jisoo replies, “but it surely matters, the fact that we don’t spend that much time together.”

“I’m fine when you are,” Joonki shrugs, “it’s that simple.”

“Are you sure?” Jisoo asks.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t sure,” Joonki chuckles.

“Gosh,” Jisoo sighs, “I love you so much.”

And she isn’t lying when she says that. Joonki is the perfect boyfriend: always on time, always nice to her, gets perfectly along with her family and never complains. 

Jisoo didn’t know someone so patient existed, someone who could care so much about her even when she was so busy with her job, the cause of her most recent breakups.

They spend the rest of the night chatting lightly, eating with gusto the small portions typical of every luxurious restaurant and just enjoying the night.

“I’ll give you a ride home, come on,” Joonki tells her as soon as they exit the restaurant.

Jisoo is honestly still feeling hungry, they didn’t eat that much as the portions were so small, but she doesn’t say anything and just gets in his sports car.

During the drive they listen to the radio, Joonki taking hold of Jisoo’s hand and Jisoo quietly singing along to the songs in the background.

“Here we are,” Joonki stops the car, “when will I see you again?”

Jisoo leans in and leaves a peck on his lips, “Soon, I promise.”

“Alright,” Joonki nods, “love you.”

“Love you too,” Jisoo smiles as she exits the car. 

She stops on the small set of stairs in front of the apartment complex and searches for the keys in her bag, while Joonki remains there to make sure she gets in safely. Jisoo opens the gate, turns around one last time to wave and Joonki and then enters the building with a heavy sigh.

Once at home, Jisoo eats some cup ramen and starts to wonder does she suddenly want more from her relationship.

Jisoo loves Joonki, but it’s in a calm way, like a small river calmly making its way down to the sea while with Chaeyoung.. with Chaeyoung it was a tsunami. Passionate and destructive, Jisoo still wonders why sometimes she misses it.

 

“Is she going to be here every time we get coffee?” Jisoo asks after having been told that they have to wait for Chaeyoung to start.

“Of course,” Lisa nods.

“But she’s just the florist,” Jisoo huffs, “we don’t need to think about flowers for now, when we don’t even have a theme.”

“Still,” Lisa objects, “she’s part of the planning team just like you are, she has lots of interesting ideas and we _have_ to wait for her.”

“Fine,” Jisoo sighs.

“Do you two not get along?” Jennie asks as soon as Lisa stands up to go order.

“Me and Lisa?” Jisoo furrows her brows, “you know she’s basically like a sister.”

“I meant you and Chae,” Jennie specifies.

“Oh,” Jisoo shakes her head, “I don’t have any issue with her, I just hate it when someone is late.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Jennie chuckles.

“Yo,” Chaeyoung sits down on her chair and takes off her beanie.

“Finally,” Jennie exclaims, “Jisoo was going crazy.”

“Why?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Everything needs to go according to the plan,” Jennie explains, “and she was planning to start ten minutes ago.”

“Chill,” Chaeyoung shrugs and Jisoo swears she sees red for a second.

“Chae!” Lisa sits down, “I got you a muffin, that’s okay?”

Chaeyoung nods, “Sure, it’s fine,” even though Jisoo knows she hates muffins and prefers brownies. Maybe her tastes changed, it’s been a few years, after all.

“So,” Jisoo starts, taking a sip of her espresso, “I’ve been looking at wedding halls in Jeju on the coast and I found the perfect hotel for the reception.”

“Show us!” Lisa exclaims.

Jisoo takes the papers she’s printed out of her folder and shows them the hotel she’s chosen. 

“The Shilla is a luxurious hotel,” Jisoo explains as she shows them the pictures, “it has a view on the sea like you wanted and a ballroom for after the ceremony. It’s pretty close to a wedding hall and it should be doable considering your budget.”

“Oh gosh, it looks amazing,” Jennie comments.

“I want to book it now,” Lisa agrees.

“Yeah, but first of all.. have you decided how many people you’re going to invite?” Jisoo asks, “we can’t book it otherwise.”

“We’ve made a list on my phone,” Jennie takes it out of her pocket, “there’s gonna be around 200 people.”

“Okay,” Jisoo nods, “first we decide the date, then we send the invites and wait for their response and then we can book it.”

“Oh, right, the invites,” Jennie says, “we were thinking of making them ourselves.”

“Sure,” Jisoo shrugs, “you’ll save money that way.”

“You both are very creative,” Chaeyoung adds, “I’m sure they’ll turn out amazing.”

“Let’s go back to our place and start making them?” Lisa proposes.

“Already?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Of course,” Jisoo replies, “that’s the first thing you need to do.”

“Do you guys wanna come too?” Jennie asks.

“Sure,” Jisoo shrugs.

“Okay,” Chaeyoung agrees.

They get into Jennie’s car yet again and it doesn’t take them long to reach Jennie and Lisa’s place. They’ve moved into an house in northern Seoul recently, so it takes them a while to get there but Lisa keeps the conversation going during the ride, telling them anecdotes from work.

When they enter the house they immediately go to Jennie’s studio which is equipped with a laptop and a printer and Jennie and Lisa start thinking about the look of the invites.

“I’m gonna go smoke for a second,” Jisoo announces, standing up and heading towards the backyard.

“Same,” Chaeyoung stands up as well, “be right back.”

Once outside, Jisoo fixates her gaze on the buildings in the distance, avoiding to look at Chaeyoung. They both light up their cigarettes and start smoking in silence.

“So..” Chaeyoung starts, “you got a boyfriend, huh?”

Jisoo nods.

“Have you been with a lot of people after.. after high school?” Chaeyoung wonders.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business,” Jisoo replies.

“Jisoo..” Chaeyoung sighs heavily, as if having this conversation is taking years off her life, “why don’t we put the past behind us and try to be friends? For Lisa and Jennie.”

This fucker. She’s using Lisa and Jennie because she knows Jisoo can’t say no to that.

“I’ve been with a lot of people, yeah,” Jisoo nods, “why?”

“Oh,” Chaeyoung remains stunned.

“Why?” Jisoo turns to look at her.

“It’s just..” Chaeyoung looks down to her feet, “I haven’t been with anyone after.. after you.”

“I don’t believe that one bit,” Jisoo sincerely states.

“It’s the truth,” Chaeyoung shrugs.

“So you’ve been single since high school?” Jisoo asks, still not believing her.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung nods, “I’ve tried, don’t get me wrong, but I could never feel for anyone as.. as strongly as I felt for you.”

“Whatever,” Jisoo rolls her eyes, “I can’t understand if you expect me to believe you.”

“I’m telling the truth,” Chaeyoung glares at her, “why would I lie?”

“I don’t know,” Jisoo shrugs, “maybe because you think that I’m gonna believe it and fall into your trap again?”

“I don’t want that,” Chaeyoung seems sincere, “I just want us to be friends, for Lisa and Jennie’s sake.”

“Mmh,” Jisoo hums, sceptical.

“So.. you’ve got a boyfriend?” Chaeyoung tries again.

Jisoo nods.

“And do you love him?” Chaeyoung inquires.

“Of course,” Jisoo replies.

“And is it.. is it like it was between us?” Chaeyoung asks in a small voice.

“Yes,” Jisoo decides to lie.

“Okay..” Chaeyoung nods, “I’m glad you managed to move on.”

Jisoo thinks she would be glad as well if she had really managed to move on.

“You didn’t?” Jisoo risks.

“I’ve tried,” Chaeyoung isn’t looking at her.

“I don’t think talking about the past is going to help our new friendship,” Jisoo confesses.

“You’re right,” Chaeyoung nods, still looking uneasy.

“Then.. I’m going back inside,” Jisoo puts out her cigarette in the ashtray that Jennie and Lisa bought for her.

“Jisoo!” Chaeyoung stops her and Jisoo turns around, “are you sure you feel for your boyfriend what you used to feel for me?”

Chaeyoung looks as if knowing the answer would destroy her, but Jisoo is too petty so, “Yes,” she lies again, then she turns around and goes back to the studio.

 

Jisoo feels like she’s going crazy, back in her apartment.

Back at Jennie and Lisa’s they printed the invites and sent them, everything should be perfect because they’ve moved early and Jisoo should be happy because of that, but she isn’t. Her conversation with Chaeyoung is still stuck in her brain.

Because, what if Chaeyoung was saying the truth? What if she really tried to be with other people but couldn’t because she could never feel for them as much as she felt for Jisoo?

Jisoo knows how that feels, she doesn’t want to admit it but ever since Chaeyoung she hasn’t been feeling anything that strong for anyone. Not even for Joonki.

Don’t get her wrong, she loves him, he’s perfect.. but he’s no Chaeyoung and he could never hold a candle to what she felt for Chaeyoung.

Being with Chaeyoung was a rollercoaster, Jisoo remembers it clearly, she never knew how Chaeyoung was going to treat her that day, what they were going to do.

It was all so uncertain and maybe that was the reason why Jisoo turned out to be the person she is now, planning her every move.

Jisoo knows she shouldn’t, but for a second she lets herself remember what it was like.. holding Chaeyoung’s hand around for the city while they should’ve been in school and feeling like her heart was going to burst, all the nights they sneaked out to watch the stars together, all the promises they never kept.

Jisoo doesn’t have time to dwell on the past, but in that moment.. in that moment she lets herself remember. How it was before the fights and before all the mess that happened.

Jisoo opens a bottle of red wine and sits in her balcony, looking at the stars and wondering if they can tell her if Chaeyoung was lying or not, earlier.

After drinking half of the bottle, Jisoo cleans her wine stained mouth with her hand and wipes her tears with the other. 

There’s not time to think about the past, there’s no time for the what ifs, Jisoo needs to be strong. Chaeyoung might be lying and Jisoo doesn’t want to play her little games anymore.

Jisoo goes to bed with a confused mind, but she’s taken her decision.

 

“We can’t be friends,” Jisoo tells Chaeyoung the following morning, while they wait for Lisa and Jennie to arrive.

“But yesterday..” Chaeyoung tries.

“I was confused, yesterday,” Jisoo explains, “but I thought about it and I realised that it’s better if we remain strangers.”

“We’re not strangers,” Chaeyoung tells her through gritted teeth, “we could never be strangers.”

“Chaeyoung,” Jisoo sighs, “you need to let go of the past,” how hypocritical.

“But..” Chaeyoung looks down at her latte, “how could I.. after everything we’ve been through.”

“You need to stop thinking about that,” Jisoo huffs, “the past is past, you can’t change it. You can't change what you did.”

“I know that,” Chaeyoung retorts, “but still.. I can’t pretend you were nothing to be.”

“Oh,” Jisoo snorts, “because you want me to believe that I actually mattered to you? That I wasn’t just one of your toys?”

“You weren’t,” Chaeyoung raises her gaze and looks at her straight in the eyes, “don’t you ever dare say something like this again.”

“You know what they say,” Jisoo shrugs, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I’m not planning to go through that again.”

“I’m not asking you to!” Chaeyoung insists, “I just want us to be friends!”

“We could never be just friends and you know it,” Jisoo huffs.

“But why?” Chaeyoung asks in a broken voice.

“Because I’m scared, okay?!” Jisoo snaps, “because I don’t know if I can trust you again, after what you did. Because you fucked me up and I don’t want to feel that way ever again.”

“I know I made some mistakes,” Chaeyoung lowers her gaze again, “but I’ve apologised and I’ve changed.”

“I don’t believe you,” Jisoo shakes her head, “people don’t change.”

“They do!” Chaeyoung exclaims, “people learn from their mistakes and grow, why can’t you give me even just the benefit of the doubt?”

“I don’t trust you,” Jisoo states, “and I don’t think I ever will.”

“What else can I do to change your mind?” Chaeyoung begs.

“Nothi-” Jisoo looks up when she hears the bell at the door tingle, “hey girls!”

Jennie and Lisa, all smiles and pure sunshine as always, sit down at their table, “Hey.”

“So have you heard back from anyone?” Jisoo asks, getting back into her professional mode.

“Our closest family and friends told us that they’d be there,” Jennie explains, “that’s about 100 people, now we have to wait for the relatives and some other friends.”

“Okay,” Jisoo nods, “we wait for their answer and then we book the venue. Have you thought of the MC?”

“We wanted to ask you,” Lisa confesses, “but then we realised you’d be too busy planning.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo agrees, “do you have anyone else in mind?”

“Maybe.. Seulgi?” Jennie tries.

“Okay,” Jisoo nods, “have you asked her?”

“Not yet,” Jennie replies, “I’ll call her now.”

Jennie and Lisa excuse themselves and head outside to call, leaving Chaeyoung and Jisoo alone at the table.

Chaeyoung seems to have accepted what Jisoo told her and she says silent, Jisoo does the same, deciding to call Joonki as she hasn’t heard from him that morning and also because she’s feeling a bit petty.

“Hey babe,” Jisoo greets him.

“Hey,” Joonki replies.

“Can you talk right now?” Jisoo asks.

“I’m taking my break,” Joonki yells at someone in his office, “I can now,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Jisoo shakes her head with a fond smile.

“I wanted to,” Joonki retorts, “how’s your day going?”

Jisoo sighs, “Eh.. it’s going.. well, yours?”

“Same thing,” Joonki replies, “I’m tired because yesterday we went out drinking with the CEO.”

“Did you have fun?” Jisoo asks.

“Not really,” Joonki chuckles, “it’s not that fun being around old drunk men.”

“Oh gosh, I can imagine,” Jisoo laughs, “well, if you survived that, you can survive anything.”

“I know, right,” Joonki laughs, “did you guys decide on the date?”

“Yeah, we did it yesterday,” Jisoo tells him, “keep yourself free for mid December.”

“I will,” Joonki promises, “well, I gotta go now but do you wanna come over tonight? We can watch a movie.”

“Sure,” Jisoo agrees, “see you later.”

“Later,” Joonki replies, “love you.”

“Love you too,” Jisoo echoes and then she hangs up.

“You’re inviting him to the wedding?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Of course,” Jisoo replies.

Chaeyoung hums and they stay in silence for the following minutes, until Jennie and Lisa come back in and tell them that Seulgi agreed to be the MC at the wedding.

 

That evening, Jisoo goes to the gym. She decides to do some boxing and starts releasing all of her frustrations. 

When she feels calmer, she takes a shower, gets changed and heads towards Joonki’s apartment.

He opens the door and the immediate scent of the already cooked food makes Jisoo’s stomach rumble. 

“Hey love,” Joonki smiles, an apron around his waist, leaning closer to leave a peck on her lips.

“Hey,” Jisoo replies, leaving her shoes and her coat at the entrance.

“Sit on the couch, I’m almost done cooking,” Joonki orders.

“Can I help you?” Jisoo wonders as she makes her way to the couch.

“Nope,” Joonki tells her from the kitchen, “I’m taking care of you today.”

Jisoo smiles to herself and remains seated on the couch, starting to look through the Netflix catalogue to decide on a movie. She picks an action movie and she makes it start once Joonki comes back from the kitchen with their food.

He’s prepared a risotto milanese and Jisoo moans after she tastes it, Joonki has always been pretty good in the kitchen. 

They start the movie as they eat and they cuddle when they’re done with the food, but this time Jisoo doesn’t feel that warm she used to feel. Having Chaeyoung back in her life is really messing with her head. 

And Jisoo feels so shitty while in Joonki’s arms because she can’t stop thinking about Chaeyoung and how it used to be with her. 

Also, she isn’t feeling anything right now. She knew that her and Joonki weren’t the most passionate couple, they’ve never had an overwhelming love for each other, but she thought that at least she did feel something for him.

But right now her heart isn’t accelerating or fluttering, she doesn’t feel at home at all and she hates it. Why does Chaeyoung always have to ruin everything?

While Joonki is concentrated on the movie, Jisoo focuses on what’s inside of her right now.

She realises she’s blaming Chaeyoung for no reason, because it isn’t her fault that Jisoo never really managed to get over her.

Maybe if their break up had been more conclusive everything would have been different, but it hasn’t and, like she told Chaeyoung, they can’t change the past.

Gosh, Jisoo feels like crying because this wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to be happy with Joonki and never think about her first love again but here she is, having a crisis about everything she thought she knew.

And the worst part is that Joonki doesn’t even realise, he throws some glances at her throughout the movie but he doesn’t seem to notice when Chaeyoung was able to tell her feelings after only one look at her.

Jisoo knows she shouldn’t compare, but it feels like she’s gone crazy.

“I have to go,” Jisoo stands up as soon as the movie ends.

“I thought you were staying the night?” Joonki looks confused.

Jisoo shakes her head, “I’m not in the mood.”

“We don’t have to.. do anything if you don’t want to,” Joonki clarifies, “we could just cuddle until we fall asleep.”

“Joon,” Jisoo huffs, “let it go.”

“Okay,” Joonki nods, he leans in and pecks her on the lips, “see you soon?”

Jisoo tries her best to smile, “Sure.”

“Love you,” Joonki calls after her and this time he’s met with silence.

 

They’re at Jennie and Lisa’s house again, ready to book the hotel and the wedding hall but Jisoo can’t focus.

All of a sudden Chaeyoung’s presence feels huge, like it’s going to swallow her whole and Jisoo can’t help but shake at the feeling of contact between Chaeyoung’s thighs and hers.

“Are you okay, Jisoo?” Jennie asks, “you’re shaking.”

“I’m fine,” Jisoo lies, “just a little cold.”

“Here,” Lisa throws a blanket at her.

Jisoo nods to thank her and wraps it around her body, distancing herself from Chaeyoung so that their bodies aren’t touching anymore.

“So.. are we really doing this?” Jennie asks, a tremor in her voice because of the excitement.

“Yes,” Lisa smiles at her, eyes filled with love, so strong even Jisoo can feel it from where she’s sitting in front of them.

Jisoo has never had someone looking at her with that amount of love and reverence, apart from Chaeyoung and _shit_ , she really needs to stop thinking about the past.

“Let’s do this,” Jisoo tries her best to smile as she clicks away on the laptop to book the places.

“Oh gosh,” Lisa exclaims, fanning her face with her hands to try not to cry, “it finally feels real!”

Jennie wraps her arm around her shoulders and lets her lean on her. Jisoo chuckles and even Chaeyoung is smiling fondly.

“I just can’t believe we can finally get married,” Lisa explains in a wet voice, “like, it’s legal now, isn’t it amazing?”

Chaeyoung nods, “If it had been legal a few years ago I probably would have married my first love.”

Jisoo stops. It feels like her heart stopped for a second there as well.

“Oh, right!” Jennie exclaims, “your high school sweetheart, the one you never got over! Why don’t you catch up with her?”

Jisoo’s breaths begin to shorten.

“I have a feeling she wouldn’t want to,” Chaeyoung confesses, lowering her gaze.

Jisoo can’t fucking breathe.

“Did you hurt her?” Lisa wonders.

“I did,” Chaeyoung confesses, “I was young and stupid and didn’t realise how much she meant to me.”

“But you’ve grown now, you’ve changed!” Lisa protests, “surely she would understand that and.. Jisoo, are you okay?”

“N-no,” Jisoo manages to stutter.

Jisoo is panicking, that much is obvious. The room starts to move and suddenly the bright colours are _too_ bright and the girls’ voices are _too_ loud and she can’t fucking breathe.

“Get more comfortable,” Chaeyoung tells her, standing up from the couch.

Jisoo does as she’s told as the first tears begin running down her cheeks.

“Now, breathe,” Chaeyoung instructs her, crouching down on the floor next to her, “in and out, slowly.”

“I-I cuh-can’t,” Jisoo sobs.

“You can,” Chaeyoung whispers, “c’mon, Jisoo, just breathe for me.”

Jisoo tries to match her breathing to Chaeyoung’s, letting the air slowly go in and out and after a few minutes everything goes back to normal.

“Okay,” Jisoo nods, “I’m fine, I-I’m suh-sorry.”

“You don’t apologise for something like this, silly,” Jennie stands up and hugs her.

“Are you okay now?” Lisa asks, looking distressed.

Jisoo nods, looking up to stop her tears from falling.

“What made you panic like that?” Jennie wonders.

“I..” Jisoo doesn’t look at her in the eyes, “I just got reminded of my first love and.. she acted really shitty towards me, I think that made me panic.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Lisa asks.

“Not right now,” Jisoo shakes her head.

“That’s fine,” Jennie nods, “don’t worry. Do you want a ride home?”

Jisoo shakes her head, “I’d rather walk.”

“Jisoo you can’t walk to your house!” Lisa exclaims, “it’s too far and you’ve just had a panic attack.”

“Should I call Joonki?” Jennie asks.

Jisoo almost snorts, “No thanks.”

“I have my bike,” Chaeyoung intervenes, “I could give her a ride.”

“That’d be perfect,” Lisa nods.

“I don’t think so, no,” Jisoo shakes her head, “I’m going to take the bus, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” Jennie is frowning, “I don’t want you to be alone right now, why don’t you stay here until you’re feeling better?”

“I do feel better,” Jisoo insists.

“No way,” Jennie shakes her head, “you’re staying here, it’s almost dinner time anyway, I’ll go get the guest room ready.”

“But-” Jisoo tries.

“No buts,” Jennie shakes her head, resolute.

Jisoo sighs heavily.

Jennie and Lisa get started on dinner and Jisoo and Chaeyoung go to the backyard to smoke.

Jisoo really doesn’t want to be alone with Chaeyoung right now, not after what just happened, but she has no other choice, she really needs a smoke.

“I’m so sorry,” Chaeyoung starts as soon as they exit.

“Don’t,” Jisoo stops her.

“But it’s all my fault!” Chaeyoung exclaims, “I shouldn’t have started talking about that, I wasn’t thinking.”

“How typical of you,” Jisoo snorts.

“What does that mean?” Chaeyoung frowns.

“You never think before you do things,” Jisoo shrugs.

“I used to be like that, you’re right,” Chaeyoung nods, “but I’ve changed, Jisoo, why can’t you realise that?”

“I don’t care!” Jisoo raises her voice, “you could’ve become Mother Teresa now and I still wouldn’t care! We’re done, Chae, we’ve been done for years, you gotta accept that.”

“But I can’t!” Chaeyoung’s voice cracks, “I can’t, okay?! I thought I was getting over you and then I saw you again and all I want is to make up for all the times I wronged you.”

“Well, you’re a little too late, don’t you think?” Jisoo argues, “you made me fight with my whole family, don’t you remember? They’ve only started talking to me again recently!”

“It’s not my fault your family is full of homophobic cunts!” Chaeyoung yells back.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about my family like that!” Jisoo retorts, “And all the times you hurt me? You can’t make up for those, you just can’t.”

“But I can show you that I’ve changed!” Chaeyoung insists.

“And for what?” Jisoo asks, “I’ve got a boyfriend now and he’s perfect, I’d never take you back.”

“Oh, yeah, your perfect boyfriend,” Chaeyoung laughs bitterly, “does he know how much you’re hurting right now? How confused you feel? Because I’ve noticed.”

“Of course he knows,” Jisoo lies, “I tell him everything, because I trust him and I love him.”

“Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?” Chaeyoung snorts.

“What’s going on here?”

Jisoo and Chaeyoung turn around to see Jennie with her hands on her hips, frowning at them.

“Nothing,” Jisoo tries her best to smile, “we were just having a discussion about the flowers for the wedding.”

“Are you sure?” Jennie doesn’t look convinced, “I heard you raise your voices.”

“We’re very passionate about flowers,” Chaeyoung nods.

“Okay..” Jennie slowly nods and takes a step back, “dinner is ready by the way.”

Jisoo and Chaeyoung follow her inside and sit down on the table, acting like nothing happened.

 

Jisoo wakes up in the middle of the night, panting and feeling panicked, which makes her realise she’s just had a nightmare, even though she can’t remember it.

Not wanting to go back to sleep, she gets up and heads to the kitchen to make herself some tea.

She positively jumps when she sees a figure on the couch, but she realises it’s just Jennie soon after.

“Hey,” Jisoo greets her.

“Can’t sleep?” Jennie guesses.

“Just woke up,” Jisoo tells her, “you?”

“Insomnia’s a bitch,” Jennie shrugs.

“Do you want some tea?” Jisoo asks.

“Sure,” Jennie nods.

Jisoo makes the tea and they settle outside on the bench in the backyard, wrapped in blankets.

“So.. what are you thinking about that is keeping you awake?” Jisoo asks.

“The wedding just got real,” Jennie starts, “and it’s freaking me out.”

“It’s normal,” Jisoo tells her, “it’s a huge step.”

“I know that but..” Jennie sighs, “what if Lisa gets tired of me after we get married?”

“Jennie, she could never,” Jisoo shakes her head, “Lisa loves you, she truly does.”

“I know that,” Jennie nods, “but what if becomes routine to love me, a few years down the line?”

“Your love is alive,” Jisoo tells her, “it’s lasted for a long time, why would it burn out just because you made it official?”

“I don’t know but what if it does?” Jennie asks.

“Look at your parents, they’ve been together for such a long time and their love is still alive and feels new everyday, then look at mine.. their love burned out with time,” Jisoo shrugs, “It could happen, but it could also not happen.”

“And what do I do if it does?” Jennie wonders.

“Then you’ll consider what to do when it does happen,” Jisoo tells her, “why worry about it now?”

“You know me, I always worry about the future,” Jennie sighs.

“Yeah, but if you freak out now you’re just gonna ruin it,” Jisoo advises her, “don’t think about it now, just go with the flow.”

“Coming from you..” Jennie snickers.

“Believe it or not, I used to be different,” Jisoo smiles, “growing up in such a strict household I couldn’t wait to rebel.”

“And you did,” Jennie continues for her.

“I did,” Jisoo chuckles, “I got together with a girl and together we did everything, we smoked, went to parties, sneaked out at late night, skipped school, dyed our hair, got piercing and tattoos.. we did everything.”

“And then what happened?” Jennie asks.

“Then I found out she was only with me because of a bet she had made with her friends, apparently getting with me was something stupid kids made bets about since I was so popular in high school and so.. apparently perfect,” Jisoo confesses, “but I couldn’t believe it was just because of that so I forgave her and took her back.”

“And then?” Jennie wonders.

“She started acting weird,” Jisoo tells her, “she told me she loved me but we fought for everything, she broke my heart everyday and.. I don’t know, I just think we were so young and in love that we acted insane and it all went to shit. But sometimes I’m not even sure if she loved me at all, I don’t know.

“Damn,” Jennie comments, “Chaeyoung really messed you up.”

“Yeah and..” Jisoo stops, “wait.. how did you know?”

“I heard you fighting earlier and I put the pieces together,” Jennie shrugs, “you getting a panic attack while she was talking about her first love, the fact that you two went to high school together, the tense atmosphere around you two.. it wasn’t that difficult.”

“Great,” Jisoo purses her lips.

“To be honest..” Jennie starts, “I think she really did love you.”

“She made sure my parents caught us!” Jisoo exclaims, “you don’t do that to someone you love.”

“Maybe she was sick of keeping it a secret,” Jennie shrugs, “you gotta understand that you two were just high schoolers, no one makes great decisions at that time.”

“Still,” Jisoo insists, “she was unpredictable, I never knew how to act around her after we got back together.. she hurt me a lot.”

“I can imagine it, trust me,” Jennie nods, “but I also think she’s changed a lot and I’m sure she never got over you even though she tried. Maybe she still feels guilty over what happened.”

“She deserves to feel guilty,” Jisoo huffs, “she made me go through hell.”

“But she’s grown, she’s changed!” Jennie insists, “give her another chance.”

“Did you forget that I’m with Joonki now?” Jisoo snorts.

“I meant just as friends,” Jennie tells her, “or at least give her a chance to right her wrongs.”

“I don’t know..” Jisoo sighs, “I swore to myself I’d never have to deal with her again.”

“But you’re also not over her,” Jennie states.

“Of course I’m over her,” Jisoo protests, “did you forget about all the relationships I had in college?”

“But you never loved them,” Jennie shakes her head, “don’t even try to fight me on this, they all broke up with you because you were too cold or you dumped them as soon as it started to get real.”

“Just because I had unsuccessful relationship doesn’t mean I’m not over Chaeyoung,” Jisoo shrugs.

“Please, give me some credit,” Jennie huffs, “I knew you were looking for something at the time, I just didn’t understand what, but now I realised.. you were looking for a replica of what you had with Chaeyoung.. but you never found it.”

“Okay, let me be honest for a second,” Jisoo lowers her gaze, “that’s true, I never felt for anyone else the way I felt about Chaeyoung, but that doesn’t mean I want to get back with her.”

“I know that,” Jennie nods, “but at least give her a chance to apologise.”

“And what good would that do?” Jisoo asks.

“Maybe it’ll finally free you from her chains,” Jennie shrugs, “and it’ll finally make you fall in love with Joonki.”

“I love Joonki!” Jisoo exclaims.

“Please,” Jennie rolls her eyes, “maybe you think you do, you’ve convinced yourself that you do, but it’s obvious that you don’t.”

“Is it really?” Jisoo turns to look at her friend.

“It is for me,” Jennie tells her, “Lisa thinks so too as well.”

“I feel like I’m broken,” Jisoo confesses, “he’s perfect, why don’t I love him?”

“Because you’re attached to the past,” Jennie tells her, “let Chaeyoung give you some closure, and then I think you’ll be ready to love again in that overwhelming way you love Chaeyoung.”

“I _used_ to love Chaeyoung,” Jisoo corrects her.

“Whatever you say,” Jennie snorts.

“I don’t love her anymore,” Jisoo insists.

“Okay, okay,” Jennie lets it go.

 

During the following weeks, Jisoo keeps herself busy.

She meets up with Lisa, Jennie and Chaeyoung basically every day to plan the wedding and they make a lot of progress: they decide on the theme, the flowers and for the music they call Irene, a friend from college who majored in music production.

They’ve booked the venues already and got responses from all the people they’ve invited, the final number of guests is 177 people.

Jennie and Lisa have an appointment in the afternoon at a boutique to try on the wedding dresses they’ve decided on, and Jisoo finally has a free morning.

She’s been spending a lot of time in the gym lately, it help her not think, and she’s been neglecting her boyfriend a lot, but she can’t find the strength to face him after what she’s realised: that she doesn’t love him.

Joonki is honestly the perfect gentleman, but Jisoo has always preferred trouble. It's like she can’t love if her heart’s not breaking.

Her and Chaeyoung have done their best to ignore each other after that fight in Jennie and Lisa’s backyard, and Jisoo hates that she’s suffering because of the distance between them.

It’s like no matter how much she tries, a part of her will always love Chaeyoung. She feels like a teenager with a crush yet again, only that it’s not just a crush.

She hates herself for it, but she can’t help how she feels.

So, she comes up with a plan: her and Chaeyoung are going to become friends again, Chaeyoung is going to give her the closure she needs and then Jisoo will finally let her go and they’ll never cross paths again.

It’s a good plan, Jisoo believes that it’ll work.

She decides to make it start that mid-September morning. She texts Chaeyoung and asks her if they can meet at the usual cafe and then go to the boutique together. Chaeyoung agrees.

So, Jisoo has a brisk shower, gets dressed casually, puts on some makeup as she always does and heads outside.

Chaeyoung is already sitting inside, two mugs on the table and Jisoo feels like back then in high school, when she would wait hours for Chaeyoung to arrive or to call, feeling her heart break the more minutes passed.

Maybe Jisoo isn’t that ready for this but she _has_ to do this, for herself.

“Hey,” Jisoo greets Chaeyoung with a soft smile.

“Hi,” Chaeyoung replies, tentative.

“How are you doing?” Jisoo asks, sitting down and looking inside her mug, “hot chocolate?”

“You used to love it in early Autumn,” Chaeyoung smiles fondly, “I never understood it but I’m starting to see the charm.”

“Thank you for getting it, how much do I owe you?” Jisoo asks, opening her wallet.

“Nothing,” Chaeyoung shakes her head, “seriously.”

Jisoo would insist more, but she knows how determined Chaeyoung can get so she just smiles, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Chaeyoung reassures her.

“So.. I wanted to talk to you,” Jisoo starts.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung nods, “before you do.. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Jisoo furrows her brows.

“I’d say for everything,” Chaeyoung chuckles, “but that wouldn’t sound as honest, so I’m just gonna say that I’m sorry for the way I treated you in the past, for making a stupid bet about getting with you in the first place and everything that happened after, and for how I’ve been acting.. always looking for a fight, maybe that didn’t make you realise how much I’ve changed, but I really have.”

“I believe you,” Jisoo nods, “I know you’re sorry and I am too, I’ve been treating you like shit, but I don’t want to hurt you, I’m so over petty revenges.”

“I appreciate you saying that,” Chaeyoung nods, “it shows how much you’ve grown as well.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo nods, taking a sip of her drink, “I guess we both did. I’m not gonna lie to you, I still don’t feel like I can completely trust you but I thought we could become friends?”

“I’d love that,” Chaeyoung nods, “and I’m sorry you can’t trust me, I understand why you do, but I swear on my life that I’d never treat you the way I did back then.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Jisoo replies, “so.. how have you been all these years?”

“I felt.. caged in the past,” Chaeyoung sighs, “you leaving so suddenly was a trauma to me, I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I did the day I found out you had moved away and changed your number.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Jisoo can’t hold her gaze, “my parents did everything.”

“Yeah, I imagined that,” Chaeyoung nods, “I guess I just wanted to apologise for that but I never got to, so here I go: I’m sorry for making your parents find out about us when I knew they weren’t gonna accept it. How are they now?”

“Still the same,” Jisoo sighs, “they only forgave me recently, after I told them I got a boyfriend so they’re still the same.. how did you call them? Homophobic cunts?”

“Sorry about that,” Chaeyoung lowers her gaze.

“It’s fine,” Jisoo chuckles, “they really are like that.”

“Still, it’s not my place to say it,” Chaeyoung argues.

“Yeah..” Jisoo trails off, “how are your parents?”

“Mom.. passed away,” Chaeyoung informs her.

“Oh, fuck,” Jisoo swears, “sorry.. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“But you probably remember how sick she was,” Chaeyoung continues.

“I know but I guess in my heart I really believed she would get better,” Jisoo confesses, “when did it happen?”

“A few weeks after you left,” Chaeyoung’s eyes look wet.

“Fuck,” Jisoo feels her own eyes fill up with tears, “I’m so sorry.”

“She..” Chaeyoung chuckles softly, “she told me her last wish was to see the two of us together again, she adored you.”

“And I loved her,” Jisoo nods, “sometimes she felt more like my mother than my actual one.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Chaeyoung nods as the first tears start running down her cheeks, “you two got along well. She got so mad at me when I told her the way I treated you.. sometimes I feel like I hurt her so much that she couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“Don’t say that,” Jisoo shakes her head, “her death was not your fault, Chae, seriously, don’t ever think that.”

Chaeyoung smiles through the tears, “..it’s been a while since someone called me that.”

Jisoo smiles, “How is everything else?”

“I don’t have a lot of friends,” Chaeyoung confesses, “I have Jennie and Lisa, my flowers and that’s enough.”

“Don’t you feel lonely?” Jisoo’s heart aches, “you used to have so many people around you all the time.”

“After you left I cut contact with all of them,” Chaeyoung informs her, “they weren’t the right people for me and I.. I think making myself alone was the right price to pay for what I did to you.”

“Chae..” Jisoo sighs, “you don’t have to punish yourself for that, fuck, not for all these years.”

“I’m just..” Chaeyoung sobs, “I’m just so sorry.”

Jisoo reaches out with her hand and places it on top of Chaeyoung’s, “This is me setting you free, okay? I’m not mad at you anymore, you can forgive yourself now.”

“I..” Chaeyoung keeps sobbing, “I really needed to hear that.”

Jisoo stands up and makes her way around the table, she stops in front of Chaeyoung and hugs her shaking form, carding her fingers through her hair, “Let it all out, Chae, how long has it been since the last time you cried?”

“A luh-long time,” Chaeyoung confesses, “I’m s-sorry I’m ruh-ruining the mood.”

“It’s okay,” Jisoo reassures her, speaking softly, “you’re not ruining anything.”

“I just.. I missed you so much,” Chaeyoung manages to say as she begins to calm down.

“I missed you too,” Jisoo confesses, “you were my best friend before you were my girlfriend.”

“You too,” Chaeyoung sniffles, “I don’t think no one ever got me quite the way you did.”

“We can be that again,” Jisoo tells her, breaking the hug and crouching down to look at her in the eyes, “each other’s anchor, like our tattoos. Now smile for me, okay?”

Chaeyoung nods and smiles brightly, finally stopping to cry.

Jisoo stands back up, “Let’s go fix your makeup now, or Jennie and Lisa will get worried.”

“Lisa knows about our past,” Chaeyoung informs her, “I told her the other day.”

“Yeah, Jennie knows too,” Jisoo tells her.

“Oh gosh,” Chaeyoung snorts, “you know they’re gonna do anything to get us back together, right?”

“Yeah,” Jisoo laughs.

“Jokes aside, how are you and your boyfriend doing?” Chaeyoung asks.

“We’re.. well, I am freaking out, he doesn’t suspect anything,” Jisoo decides to tell her the truth but without going into details, “he doesn’t.. read my mind like you did.”

“Why are you freaking out?” Chaeyoung wonders.

“I’ve realised that maybe I don’t love him as much as I thought I did,” Jisoo confesses as she lends her makeup purse to Chaeyoung.

“Maybe you two just need to spend more time together?” Chaeyoung tries, “you’re always with us and I know you’ve been spending a lot of time in the gym.”

“I don’t know..” Jisoo confesses, “to be honest I feel like I’m just using him.”

Chaeyoung doesn’t ask what she’s using him for but they both know the answer.

“I think I’m gonna break up with him,” Jisoo continues, not missing the way Chaeyoung’s eyes fill up with hope, “just.. take some time for myself, and then get in a relationship when I feel like I’m ready.”

“You weren’t ready when you got together with Joonki?” Chaeyoung asks.

“I wasn’t,” Jisoo replies, “I just went along with it because I felt like I needed to get in a relationship to feel like I was completely over.. the past.”

She doesn’t say ‘to get over you’ but they both understand it.

“I think you only should do what you feel like doing,” Chaeyoung says.

“Do you think he’ll take it badly?” Jisoo worries.

“No one likes being dumped,” Chaeyoung snorts, “but you should put yourself first, if breaking up with him is what you feel like doing, then do it.”

“Okay,” Jisoo takes a big breath, “I’ll text him later, now we gotta go to Jennie and Lisa.”

“Right,” Chaeyoung nods, “let’s go.”

 

“Hey, beautiful,” Joonki greets Jisoo when she enters the diner they’ve chosen.

“Hey,” Jisoo feels like she’s about to puke.

“I ordered you an hamburger,” Joonki tells her, pushing the plate in her direction.

“Thank you,” Jisoo purses her lips, “but I don’t really feel like eating.”

“Right,” Joonki nods and for a second it looks like he’s already accepted his fate, “you said you wanted to talk..”

“I did,” Jisoo nods.

“It’s your ex, isn’t it?” Joonki asks, “the one from high school.”

Jisoo has never felt so guilty in her whole life, “Yes.”

“You’re still not over him,” Joonki continues.

“Her,” Jisoo corrects him, “it.. it was a her.”

“I see,” Joonki nods, “you want to break up, right?”

“I don’t think it’s fair for you, me thinking about someone else while I’m with you,” Jisoo shrugs.

“Yeah, it isn’t,” Joonki agrees.

“Joon, I..” Jisoo takes a deep breath to stop the tears from falling, “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Joonki smiles softly, not looking into her eyes, “this is the best thing you could do in this situation.”

“I know,” a few tears escape Jisoo’s eyes, “I really thought I was in love with you.”

“I know you did,” Joonki reassures her, “you were a great girlfriend, don’t worry about that.”

“Why aren’t you mad?” Jisoo wonders, taking the napkin Joonki is handing over and drying her own tears with it.

“You know me,” Joonki shrugs, “I love you and I just want you to be happy, if you’re not happy with me you don’t have to feel forced to stay with me.”

“I was happy with you!” Jisoo exclaims, “then I met her again and..”

“You..” Joonki turns serious, “did something happen between you two?”

“No!” Jisoo exclaims, “nothing happened, I swear.”

“I believe you,” Joonki nods, standing up, “well, I should go now, do you want a ride home?”

Jisoo shakes her head.

“Just..” Joonki stops walking, “if you still love her, that girl from high school, then get back with her if she wants to, I think that would make you happy and your happiness is all that matters.”

“I.. we’re just going to be friends,” Jisoo tells him.

“Why?” Joonki asks, “does she not love you anymore?”

“We.. we haven’t talked in years,” Jisoo explains, “we don’t know each other anymore, we can’t get back together.”

“If you love each other,” Joonki starts, “then spend time together, get to know each other again and please, get back together.”

“But-” Jisoo tries.

“Do it for me,” Joonki smiles, “or my suffering will go to waste.”

Jisoo chuckles, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Stay healthy,” Joonki shrugs, “goodbye, Jisoo.”

“Goodbye, Joonki,” Jisoo smiles, “you be happy and healthy too.”

Jisoo watches him walk out of the door of the diner, and feels like a part of her has died in the process.

 

The next time Jisoo sees Chaeyoung without Jennie and Lisa is after a few weeks, when October has already started.

They’ve seen each other to plan the wedding, just some last details, but they didn’t speak much apart than about the wedding.

Jisoo didn’t have plans to see her, but Chaeyoung texted her that Sunday morning to ask her if she wanted to come to the cinema.

So Jisoo got up, got dressed and left her apartment, feeling like back in high school, always following Chaeyoung’s plans.

Chaeyoung is already there, two tickets in her hands, “Is the movie about Queen okay for you?”

“Sure,” Jisoo nods, “did you also hear Jennie and Lisa?”

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung nods, “but they’re busy with their parents, so I discarded the idea, but I wanted to see the movie and you.. we are friends, right? So I asked you.”

“Yeah, we’re friends,” Jisoo nods.

“Still hate popcorns?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Of course,” Jisoo chuckles.

“Well, I’ve got you a Coke,” Chaeyoung hands her one of the cans in her hand.

“Thank you,” Jisoo smiles.

They enter the screening room and sit down on their seats.

“I got us the most central ones I could find,” Chaeyoung explains, “you hated that time when we sat on the side.”

“Yeah, I did,” Jisoo nods, “you still remember that?”

“I wasn’t lying that time in Jennie’s car,” Chaeyoung tells her, “I remember everything clearly.”

“Me too,” Jisoo confesses.

They’re showing some ads before the movie, so Jisoo takes a sip of her Coke and turns to look at Chaeyoung, “So, what made you become a florist?”

“Mom used to love flowers, you probably remember our garden,” Chaeyoung tells her, “after she died I didn’t know what to do and my grandma had this flower shop, so I just took over.”

“Your garden was truly beautiful,” Jisoo smiles, “I remember we used to spend a lot of time there when we went over to yours.”

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung nods, “remember when my sister caught us kissing near the roses?”

“Yeah,” Jisoo bursts out laughing, “we flew apart so fast I fell into the roses and got hurt.”

Chaeyoung chuckles along. She’s about to open her mouth again but the lights turn off, so she settles stealing a glance at Jisoo and then focuses on the screen.

 

“How was the movie?” Jennie asks her the following day, as they make their way to the gym.

“It was nice,” Jisoo replies, “we liked it.”

“How was being alone with Chaeyoung?” Jennie asks.

“It was fine,” Jisoo tells her, “I thought it’d be awkward, but we talked a lot, we even got dinner together after the movie.”

“Nice,” Jennie nods, “what did you talk about?”

“A bit of everything,” Jisoo shrugs, “mostly how we’ve been doing in these years we’ve been apart.”

“And how did you feel?” Jennie asks.

“It was.. a bit weird,” Jisoo confesses, “we were never just friends, even before getting together we were always flirting.”

“How did you two get together anyway?” Jennie wonders.

“Oh,” Jisoo laughs, “once I was in the bathroom at school and heard someone crying, so of course I opened the bathroom stall and there she was, practicing crying so that she could skip Maths.”

“That’s so like her,” Jennie chuckles.

“Then we started talking,” Jisoo continues, “we met before school and had breakfast together, I helped with her homework and we started hanging out together.”

“And then?” Jennie asks.

“Then.. we were at mine and we were talking about relationships and stuff,” Jisoo shakes her head fondly, “I told her I’d never been kissed and she kissed me, we got together a few kisses later and the rest is history.”

“How cute,” Jennie comments, “she was your first kiss.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo chuckles, “it was her first, too.”

“Ohhh!” Jennie cooes, “that’s so sweet.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo nods, “well, it wasn’t that sweet when I found out she was that sweet to me only because of a bet, but oh well.”

“But she still fell for you,” Jennie shrugs, “and she fell hard.”

“We both did,” Jisoo shrugs.

“I want to see you two together,” Jennie confesses, “I’ve never seen you give your all in a relationship, but I feel like you’ll do that with her and I.. I just want you to be as happy and in love as I am.”

“We’ll see what will happen,” Jisoo smirks.

“But you’re at least thinking about it, now that you’re single?” Jennie wonders.

“Of course I’m thinking about it,” Jisoo sighs, “but I don’t know.”

“What?” Jennie asks.

“I don’t know anything,” Jisoo confesses, “I’m just going with the flow for now.”

“That’s good,” Jennie nods, “you never let yourself go completely, you’re always so.. restrained.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo agrees, “I’m just.. letting myself go.”

“You look happy,” Jennie comments, “I’m glad.”

“Me too,” Jisoo sighs heavily.

 

Now, Jisoo doesn’t want to call them _dates_ , but that’s what they are. So, their next date is at the aquarium.

This time it was Jisoo’s idea, her mom had won two tickets at a fair and, not knowing what to do with them, she had given them to Jisoo.

If her mom knew that Jisoo’s plus one was Chaeyoung, she would have freaked out, so Jisoo told her that she was giving them to Jennie and Lisa.

But in reality she meets with Chaeyoung in front of the aquarium.

“Hey,” Jisoo greets her, “ready to go in?”

Chaeyoung absentmindedly takes hold of her hand and drags her in the building, so excited to see the inside.

“I haven’t been to an aquarium in ages!” Chaeyoung exclaims, “I can’t wait!”

“You do look happier that usual,” Jisoo chuckles.

“Of course I am,” Chaeyoung nods, “remember that I wanted to become a marine biologist?”

“Amongst three hundred other things, yeah,” Jisoo laughs.

“I had a lot of dreams when I was younger,” Chaeyoung chuckles along.

They show their tickets and they’re let in. Chaeyoung, still holding Jisoo’s hand, drags her around the whole morning, telling her facts about the creatures they see.

And Jisoo.. Jisoo just feels happy and carefree. She holds on tight to Chaeyoung’s hand and lets her take her around, feeling her heart flutter every time she glances over at Chaeyoung’s lit up eyes.

She’s brought back to the past, when Chaeyoung would tell her things so passionately that her eyes were sparkling. Chaeyoung really believed in what she used to tell her.. all the promises she made.

After the aquarium they go to get lunch together at a nearby restaurant.

“Gosh, it was amazing!” Chaeyoung exclaims, “I’m so glad you decided to take me and not Jennie or Lisa, thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jisoo shrugs, “seeing you this happy.. it brings a smile on my face as well.”

Chaeyoung’s cheeks turn pink and she lowers her gaze.

“Oh?” Jisoo laughs, “did I make you flustered?”

“Shut up,” Chaeyoung jokingly glares at her.

“Oh, never,” Jisoo shakes her head, “I’ve gotta get revenge for all the times you would embarrass me back then.”

“I never did such things,” Chaeyoung chuckles.

“Oh yeah, you totally didn’t sext me while I was in class,” Jisoo reminds her.

“Ops,” Chaeyoung bursts out laughing, “guilty.”

“But seriously,” Jisoo smiles, “I had a nice time today, thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” Chaeyoung smiles back, “you make me feel good, being with you is always so nice.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo agrees, “why did we spend all that time fighting and ignoring each other again?”

“We needed to do that, I think,” Chaeyoung tells her, “it was only natural for us to act that way after everything we’ve been through.. after everything I put you through. But I’m glad we’re not like that anymore.”

“Can I just ask you.. why?” Jisoo turns serious again.

“Why what?” Chaeyoung furrows her brows.

“Why did you do what you did to me?” Jisoo asks.

“Oh..” Chaeyoung shakes her head, “I know it’s not an excuse, but I was young and scared by the amount of love I felt for you, so I did everything I could to push you away.”

“You’ve always been a bit self-destructive,” Jisoo nods, understanding.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung agrees, “but I felt like complete and utter shit every time I treated you badly, and I.. I don’t think I’ve forgiven myself yet.”

“You should forgive yourself,” Jisoo places her hand on top of Chaeyoung’s, “I know I have.”

“I’ll try,” Chaeyoung smiles brightly.

 

Jisoo and Chaeyoung keep seeing each other without Jennie and Lisa.

They go everywhere together: shopping, on dinner dates and once they even go to the beach.

And Jisoo feels good, she doesn’t think she’s ever felt that free in her life.

Chaeyoung is simply amazing to be with and Jisoo doesn’t feel like a confused high schooler anymore. She’s a grown woman now and she knows what she wants: she wants a relationship with Chaeyoung.

She’s still scared, yes, and maybe she will be forever.

But maybe that’s what love is sometimes, maybe that’s what Jisoo’s love is like.

But being scared that Chaeyoung will hurt her again doesn’t also mean that she truly loves Chaeyoung? That she cares about her so much that the thought of losing her is terrifying?

But when they’re together Jisoo doesn’t think about it, she just finds herself staring at Chaeyoung’s pink lips and wanting to feel them on hers. 

She feels warm inside when Chaeyoung takes hold of her hand and she never wants to let go.

They spend the whole month of November together and Jisoo knows that her love is not just an echo of what she felt in the past, it’s a new kind of love, more mature but still as overwhelming.

It’s a kind of love that feels safe, that engulfs her and makes her shake in anticipation.

It’s a kind of love that will end the world if it ever ends.

But, this time, both Jisoo and Chaeyoung are determined not to let it end.

 

Jisoo is in her family house for once. Her parents invited her and she couldn’t say no, even though she wanted to.

She’s having a cigarette break because she feels like she’s going crazy in there, with her parents asking her all kind of questions about Joonki and the reason behind their breakup. And, of course, Jisoo can’t tell them the truth.

With a big sigh, she throws away the cigarette and heads back inside.

“So, why did you break up with that nice guy?” her mother wonders.

“I already told you,” Jisoo huffs, “I didn’t feel anything for him.”

“But he had a stable job,” her mother reminds her, “what was missing from your relationship?”

“My feelings,” Jisoo snaps, “that’s what was missing.”

“I just can’t understand why you didn’t love him,” her mother continues, “he had the looks and the money.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo snorts, “because that’s all that matters, right?”

“What else would matter?” her mother seems confused.

“Love, mom!” Jisoo snaps again, “I think love is a pretty big factor in a relationship.”

“You have a weird concept of love,” her father shakes his head, “remember when you thought you loved a girl back in high school?”

“I did love her,” Jisoo tells him through gritted teeth, then she stands up, “and you know what? I still love her.”

“Oh, dear,” her mother puts her hand on her heart, “don’t say things like that.”

“Guess what?” Jisoo smirks, “I met her again.. and I fell for her again.”

“You stay away from that woman,” her father orders.

“You can’t tell me what to do anymore,” Jisoo challenges them.

“You stay away from that woman or you’re not daughter of mine,” her father has never looked that serious.

“Then I guess I’m not your daughter anymore,” Jisoo shrugs, “fine by me. But do me one last favour.”

“What?” her mother asks.

“Go fuck yourselves!” Jisoo smirks, then leaves before they can do anything else but gasp.

She immediately heads towards the train station and calls Chaeyoung.

“Hey,” Chaeyoung greets her.

“Hey, so.. I may or may not just have told my parents to go fuck themselves,” Jisoo confesses.

“...what?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Yes, I did that,” Jisoo chuckles.

“You’re fucking crazy,” Chaeyoung bursts out laughing.

“They were going on with their homophobic bullshit,” Jisoo shrugs, “so I did what you told me to do so many times.”

“And what did they do?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Oh, they kinda disowned me?” Jisoo chuckles.

“Oh gosh, you’re crazy,” Chaeyoung keeps laughing, “but I think you did the right thing.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo nods, “do you wanna meet up?”

“Sure,” Chaeyoung tells her, “where and when?”

“Right now?” Jisoo tries.

“I’m working,” Chaeyoung huffs.

“Can’t you close the shop for today?” Jisoo asks.

“Okay, okay,” Chaeyoung concedes, “come pick me up?”

“Sure,” Jisoo tells her, “see you there in fifteen.”

To be honest, Jisoo isn’t feeling as well as she thought she would after freeing herself from her parents.

They’re still her parents, after all, but she couldn’t keep lying to them. And they acted terribly. 

She gets off the train and takes her car from the parking lot and drives to the address Chaeyoung sent her.

Chaeyoung is waiting for her, arms open and a proud smile on her face and Jisoo has never been so in love.

She throws herself into her arms and they just stand there for a while, holding each other tightly.

“Let’s go to mine?” Chaeyoung whispers into her ear and Jisoo feels goosebumps all over her body.

It’s been a long time since her body reacted to someone else.

“Do you want me to drive?” Chaeyoung asks, “you always hated driving with the snow.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Jisoo hands her the keys.

Chaeyoung starts the car and heads towards Jisoo’s apartment. She’s been over so many times that she knows the way by heart by now.

Together they make their way up the stairs and enter Chaeyoung’s apartment, then they settle on the couch.

Chaeyoung invites her in her arms again and Jisoo starts telling her what happened in detail, while resting her head on Chaeyoung’s chest.

“Do you regret what you did?” Chaeyoung asks her.

Jisoo bites her lower lip, “A bit yes.”

“Why?” Chaeyoung asks her.

“Well, they’re my family after all,” Jisoo points out.

“I think families are the ones you choose and not the ones you are stuck with,” Chaeyoung tells her, “you have Lisa and Jennie and.. me. We’re your real family, you don’t gotta think about those assholes anymore.”

“But they’re still my parents!” Jisoo objects.

“They didn’t think twice about disowning you just because you love a woman,” Chaeyoung tells her, “that’s disgusting. And remember when they made you transfer schools, changed your number and cut every contact you had with me just because I wasn’t a boy?”

“You’re right,” Jisoo nods, “I did the right thing.”

“You did, baby,” Chaeyoung cards her fingers through her hair, “you’re so brave.”

Jisoo sniffles.

“Here, cry,” Chaeyoung whispers to her, “you gotta let yourself cry. It’s normal to feel hurt after something like this, but you’ll get over it, you’re so strong, baby.”

“I’m not,” Jisoo whines.

“You are,” Chaeyoung leans in and kisses her forehead, “cry all you want to.”

Jisoo does just that, she cries until her voice gets hoarse and she has no more tears.

“They don’t deserve my tears,” Jisoo mutters, annoyed, “those assholes.”

“Exactly,” Chaeyoung nods, “like.. like I didn’t deserve them back then.”

“Chae,” Jisoo turns to look at her, “we gotta put the past in a corner if we want to start again. Let’s just stop talking and thinking about it, okay?”

“But I hurt you,” Chaeyoung insists.

“Yeah, but I got over it,” Jisoo tells her, “and I’m okay now, so, please, let’s only talk about the good things.”

“Wait..” Chaeyoung looks at her in the eyes, “you just said.. you.. you want to start over again?”

Jisoo straightens her back and detached herself from Chaeyoung’s hold, so that they can look at each other properly, “Wasn’t it obvious?”

“I thought we were only gonna be friends,” Chaeyoung confesses.

“You.. don’t want us to get back together?” Jisoo asks tentatively.

“You idiot,” Chaeyoung snorts, “there’s nothing I’ve ever wanted more than that.”

“Oh, thank god,” Jisoo can finally breathe again.

“So we.. we’re doing this, okay,” Chaeyoung takes a deep breath.

“Yeah,” Jisoo nods, “we’re doing this.”

“Fuck,” Chaeyoung swears.

“What?” Jisoo chuckles.

“You’re so beautiful and I wanna kiss you,” Chaeyoung says all in one breath.

“Then why don’t you do it?” Jisoo smirks.

“Is that what you truly want?” Chaeyoung asks.

“Just kiss me, silly,” Jisoo leans in.

Chaeyoung nods, takes another deep breath, and moves closer so that their noses are touching.

At the end, Jisoo is the one who makes the first move: she makes their lips touch gently, without hurry and Chaeyoung presses back against her lips.

It’s like something finally clicks and Jisoo has never felt this happy in her life, as she slowly opens her mouth and lets Chaeyoung in again.

Chaeyoung’s hand settles on her cheeks as she angles her head so that they can keep kissing while Chaeyoung pushes her down on the couch so that she’s laying on Jisoo, using the other hand to support her weight.

It’s their first kiss after ten years and it feels exactly like their relationship feels: sweet but also passionate and so, so full of love.

They break apart only to chuckle against each other’s lips and if a tear or two falls from Chaeyoung’s eyes on Jisoo’s face, no one says anything.

And Jisoo.. Jisoo feels like she’s never felt before while kissing someone. 

It doesn't take her back in time because even back then their kisses weren’t as intense as this one.

It’s a kiss between two people who truly have each other, without barriers, without fears— it’s two souls reconnecting with each other and it’s magical.

 

“Don’t freak out,” Jisoo states while entering the room.

“I’m freaking the _fuck_ out,” Jennie tells her.

“Jen,” Jisoo sighs, “come on.”

“What if she’s running away right as we speak?” Jennie asks.

“Do you really think that low of Lisa?” Jisoo raises her brows.

“Of course I don’t,” Jennie shakes her head, “sorry, I’m just.. scared.”

“I told you it’s normal to be scared,” Jisoo sighs, “like, three hundred times in the past few days alone.”

“Why aren’t you out with them anyway?” Jennie asks.

“Do you really think I would leave you alone the night before your wedding?” Jisoo snorts.

“But everyone’s celebrating and you worked harder than anyone else,” Jennie tells her, “you should go and have fun.”

“I’m too old for that,” Jisoo laughs as she lets herself fall on Jennie and Lisa’s bed in the hotel room, “let the young ones have fun.”

“What are they up to, anyway?” Jennie wonders.

Jisoo takes her phone from her pocket, “Chae texted me earlier, they’re just chilling at a noraebang.”

“I thought they were going for something more.. extravagant,” Jennie comments.

“What, like a strip club?” Jisoo snorts.

“That was one of the things I had in mind,” Jennie confesses.

“As if,” Jisoo laughs.

“You’re right,” Jennie nods, “they’re both taken, why would they go to a place like that?”

“Technically Chaeyoung isn’t taken,” Jisoo sighs.

“Oh, shut up,” Jennie snorts, “just because you never made it official doesn’t mean that she’s not taken. And right now _I_ am the one who should freak out about my relationship, you attention whore.”

“As if you need to worry about anything,” Jisoo shakes her head, “you know that Lisa loves you more than anything.”

“And you know that Chaeyoung loves you more than anything,” Jennie throws her a knowing glance.

“You’re right, we should stop worrying,” Jisoo sighs, “maybe it’s our old age.”

“You’re only twenty seven, shut up,” Jennie rolls her eyes.

“It’s mid-December, I’m almost twenty eight,” Jisoo whines.

“It’s fine,” Jennie shrugs, “you’re still a kid at heart.”

Jisoo throws a pillow at her.

“I see how it is,” Jennie smirks, throwing the pillow back.

“I’m too old for a pillow fight, sorry,” Jisoo complains.

“Oh, shut up!” Jennie bursts out laughing.

“At least I took your mind off things,” Jisoo smirks.

“You’re right..” Jennie sighs, “you know, Jisoo, I’m really happy for you.”

“Please don’t make me become emotional,” Jisoo begs.

“It’s just.. I thought you were gonna keep being like that,” Jennie tells her, “in relationships where you didn’t feel anything and controlling your every move and now.. now you’re a completely different person, you let yourself go both with love than with everything else.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo nods.

“And even Chae.. she was hurting so bad when I met her,” Jennie confesses, “I’m so beyond happy that you two found each other again and that this time you were ready for the amount of love you have always felt for each other.”

“Me too,” Jisoo smiles, “I never thought a relationship would make this happy but here I am.”

“Why haven’t you officially asked her to become your girlfriend, anyway?” Jennie wonders.

“You know.. back then we were official, like, we never talked about it,” Jisoo tells her.

“But it’s different now, isn’t it?” Jennie asks.

“It’s so different, you have no idea,” Jisoo sighs happily.

“Then?” Jennie prompts her, “why haven’t you asked her?”

“I guess.. I guess I’m still a bit scared,” Jisoo confesses.

“Jisoo, let me tell you a secret,” Jennie tells her, “I’m scared that Lisa will leave me one day, I’m scared that our marriage will go wrong, I’m scared of a lot of things, but.. as someone told me once, why worry before it happens?”

Jisoo chuckles, remembering her own words for a few months ago that feel like years and years ago, “You’re right.”

 

Jisoo, during the weddings she was forced to attend because of her job, had always considered the vows to be bullshit.

She never thought real love could exist, not after she had been through. But right now, as she listens to her best friends promising each other forever, while her not-yet-but-almost-girlfriend keeps an arm around her shoulder, she’s a completely changed person.

Because Jisoo now knows that love exists, she sees it in the way Jennie and Lisa are crying while telling each other that it might not be perfect, but they’ll go through the rough times together, they’ll go through _life_ together.

She sees it everywhere around her.

And, most importantly, she sees it in the way Chaeyoung smiles at her while telling her: “Next time it’s gonna be us.”

And Jisoo might be scared of the overwhelming love she feels, but she’s not lying when she presses a kiss on her lips and whispers: “Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> here you go, I genuinely hope you enjoyed it, if you did please please please leave me a comment or a kudo or come tell me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jendeukiesss)!


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